Let Go, Let God

That's something I've been struggling with lately. Letting go and just letting God handle it. 

That for even as much as I've seen God do in the past couple years or heck, even months, is not enough for me to just let God take control.

I'm stuck in a rut, where in the mornings I choose to watch tv or do crafts instead of my morning devotionals. I don't even remember when I started doing that. I love spending time with God in the morning, it's a great way to start my day off and get centered with Him. But I just haven't been.

And we all have points like this. And we all have excuses. Mine just may be different than yours as a whole, but I think it just comes down to is we get distracted with the world around us. Drama, money, kids, parents, work... Or are distracting ourselves from what's really bothering us. Drama, money, kids, parents, work...You name your excuse.

I feel guilty too, in the morning and right before I go to bed. Every morning I know I should be spending time with Him, and then I don't. And then I pray, "Lord, help me. Help me get back into Your word." And then I go about doing crafts and blogging. And then I'm like, "Praise You God for giving me these hands to do these wonderful things." But I'm not doing them for Him. I'm not doing it to glorify God. I'm making it my distraction. 

I've come to the realization that I'm purposefully distracting myself from the things that are really bothering me. I'm afraid God is going to tell me to let it go. Umm. Let it go? But (insert pronoun here) hurt me! Forgive them? Uhhh, (insert pronoun here) hurt me. And God's like, remember how I forgave you? 

Honestly, I think that's why I haven't been spending time with Him. He's going to tell me to forgive the person who hurt me (even if they continue to hurt me, just to keep on forgiving, and to turn the other cheek no less!), and I, because I'm human, don't want to let that go.

Why do we want to feel hurt? Isn't that just the most ridiculous thing? I'm just going to harbor up these nasty feelings about said person and how they hurt me until I'm sick in the stomach and all that's left to do is cry. I'm just going to continue to feel hurt because they wronged me! Really? That just makes no sense. That for some reason, rather than asking God to help me to forgive so He can forgive me, to help me let go of the hurt I feel because Jesus will give me rest, for His yoke is easy and His burden is light. Rather than saying Jesus take my broken heart and heal it, because You are the Almighty and if You can feed five thousand from a few loaves and a fish and still have leftovers, You can make this heart feel whole. Rather than saying Jesus, You got this.

I'm like, naw... I'm good, thanks. Please don't help me Jesus. I just want to be sad.

I'm really tired of hurting and feeling sad and trying to distract myself from the real issues at hand. 

Jesus help me to forgive. Heal me. Make me feel whole. And forgive them Father, for they know not what they do.

Can I get an amen? 

Amen.

Take it easy,

Trendy God

I would like you all to go and check out my friend Shannon's blog, Trendy God. She is amazing in that she's devoted her blog to encouraging you in the Word and to keeping God a priority in your daily lives. She gives you a quick note and scripture and then follows it with a question to help you get thinking. Today her topic is School Daze as we all (well a lot of us..) are going back to school/work and how it's about glorifying God and doing His work. 

Thanks Shannon for the awesome daily encouragement!

Take care!

Life Is Cray

Crazy.

 Life is craZy.

Stupid husband. He jokes about the lame things people say like, "that's so cray." He mocks them by repeating what they say, but he says it so much that it becomes part of his lingo. But because he says it so much, it also becomes part of mine. We say it jokingly, but we still say it. Ughh, we're lame too.

I hate sitting at the doctors office and waiting. All I can think about are things I can/should be doing right at this moment but can't, because I'm stupid waiting. Oh well. I should look at it as break time. Especially because its giving me the chance to write this blog.

So why is life cray you may ask? Drama. Drama drama drama drama. I hate drama. I try not to make it and I sure as hell try not be around it. I know, we all say that and still it happens. 

But what happens when you're in a place filled with drama and you can't get away?! And some how, by the efforts of someone else, your words get twisted and things just blow up and get out of control! And you're just doing the best you can to keep the peace and pick up the dominoes as they fall.

Here's what I did:

- I meditated on Mark 6:34. Jesus had compassion on them because they were like sheep without a shepherd.

I meditated and then meditated some more.

- I prayed for patience. A lot.

- I apologized for any possible miscommunications. 

- I was even more friendly than usual. Well, I sure tried to be anyways.

- I walked away when I couldn't handle a situation. People say that to walk away shows extreme cowardice. But really, I think just the opposite. It really shows strength. To walk away from a situation before it gets out of control, a situation where you may be thinking hurtful things and might possibly say them and to walk away and not say those things, is strength. I don't want to say things out of hate or angry. I want to them out of love and when I can't, I walk away. A lot harder than it sounds.

- and when I finally got home from what felt like the longest day of my life, I cried. A lot. And then cried a little more.

- and then I thanked and praised God. For a lot of things. For Him, for the patience and strength he'd given me throughout the day, the opportunity to shine His light through my kindness, my husband who held me while I cried, and for the kindness and good things throughout the day that I may not have seen then, but realized when I got home, and then cried a little more. Mostly for His grace.

I sure tell ya though. I'm not perfect. And I'm certainly not trying to portray myself as so. Because honestly, I used the f word a lot. Though mostly to myself and a lot of the time I made the f sound in its place or effin instead and though in the company of people who were sharing in my discomfort. I also did not give someone a validation card.

But hey, we've all got stuff to work on right? And now I know what those things are.

Take care,