Wednesday, August 28, 2013

Let Go, Let God

That's something I've been struggling with lately. Letting go and just letting God handle it. 

That for even as much as I've seen God do in the past couple years or heck, even months, is not enough for me to just let God take control.

I'm stuck in a rut, where in the mornings I choose to watch tv or do crafts instead of my morning devotionals. I don't even remember when I started doing that. I love spending time with God in the morning, it's a great way to start my day off and get centered with Him. But I just haven't been.

And we all have points like this. And we all have excuses. Mine just may be different than yours as a whole, but I think it just comes down to is we get distracted with the world around us. Drama, money, kids, parents, work... Or are distracting ourselves from what's really bothering us. Drama, money, kids, parents, work...You name your excuse.

I feel guilty too, in the morning and right before I go to bed. Every morning I know I should be spending time with Him, and then I don't. And then I pray, "Lord, help me. Help me get back into Your word." And then I go about doing crafts and blogging. And then I'm like, "Praise You God for giving me these hands to do these wonderful things." But I'm not doing them for Him. I'm not doing it to glorify God. I'm making it my distraction. 

I've come to the realization that I'm purposefully distracting myself from the things that are really bothering me. I'm afraid God is going to tell me to let it go. Umm. Let it go? But (insert pronoun here) hurt me! Forgive them? Uhhh, (insert pronoun here) hurt me. And God's like, remember how I forgave you

Honestly, I think that's why I haven't been spending time with Him. He's going to tell me to forgive the person who hurt me (even if they continue to hurt me, just to keep on forgiving, and to turn the other cheek no less!), and I, because I'm human, don't want to let that go.

Why do we want to feel hurt? Isn't that just the most ridiculous thing? I'm just going to harbor up these nasty feelings about said person and how they hurt me until I'm sick in the stomach and all that's left to do is cry. I'm just going to continue to feel hurt because they wronged me! Really? That just makes no sense. That for some reason, rather than asking God to help me to forgive so He can forgive me, to help me let go of the hurt I feel because Jesus will give me rest, for His yoke is easy and His burden is light. Rather than saying Jesus take my broken heart and heal it, because You are the Almighty and if You can feed five thousand from a few loaves and a fish and still have leftovers, You can make this heart feel whole. Rather than saying Jesus, You got this.

I'm like, naw... I'm good, thanks. Please don't help me Jesus. I just want to be sad.

I'm really tired of hurting and feeling sad and trying to distract myself from the real issues at hand. 

Jesus help me to forgive. Heal me. Make me feel whole. And forgive them Father, for they know not what they do.

Can I get an amen? 


Take it easy,

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