And so we meet again Thursday. This week (week as in since last Thursday) has gone by fast! Though, as individual days, they were incredibly slow, almost painful some of them. Thankful it's almost the weekend!
Also, I am seriously bummed that I've only been managing one post a week. But one is better and more than none! So ha!
It's so hard because I haven't been doing any of my hobbies lately. So nothing to post on! The days have been exhausting, plus, I think I'm on the verge of a sinus infection...
Wednesday was especially hard. I was tired and had a horrible attitude going into the day. And that attitude definitely didn't help. For example, I had to move the truck and on the way I would pass by the mailbox, I was like cool! I'll get the mail! But upon arriving at the mailbox, I realized that my truck keys don't have a mailbox key on them and I got instantly ticked! For no reason! The mailbox didn't do anything to me and it's not like I was going out of my to get the mail, it was just on the way! I should have just said oh well and been on my (not so) merry little way.
You ever have those days when everything seems to go wrong? By seems I mean, over-exaggerating the severity of the "offense." After moving the truck, I took an unintentional two hour nap to recharge.
On Sunday I didn't feel well and missed church to catch up on sleep. What was the sermon on? Anger management. Of course right?? And of course I didn't listen to the podcast until this morning. I realize now, yesterday was my fault.
In our small group, we're reading a book alongside with the church. In this book it discusses anger management in one of the chapters (also the chapter I hadn't read until today) and talks about how "unrighteous anger rarely happens when we are led by the Spirit. It is spawned by not seeing our situation in the light of God's kingdom." If I'm not living in God's kingdom and not fixing my eyes and heart upon Him, I'm still going to have those feelings of pride, worry, anger and resentment.
Some questions I could have used from the sermon:
- Does God know? In the midst of my anger, did I at any point bring it to it and my frustrations to God? Nope. That was my first mistake.
- Is God angry? Psh. Maybe at me for not bringing it to Him, and not even angry, probably disappointed.
- Would Jesus be angry? No tables getting turned over here! He'd most likely have a parable to tell.
- Am I trying to control things? Yes. The whole day I spent trying to "be in control." Uhhh. I definitely wasn't.
- Am I scared? Of what? I'm scared of losing control. I'm scared that the situation I'm in will get worse.
So I'll end on this note, staying angry is a choice, it requires way more energy than is worth it and is a very hard attitude to change and let go of... But if you're looking towards God and living in His kingdom, only then can the those feelings be let go.
Have a great and wonderful rest of the evening!